Happy 30th Birthday Brittany

by Linda Carmical

Dear Brittany,

Good morning baby girl. How’s Heaven treating you? I hope it surpasses all I’ve heard about it. I want over-the-top fabulous for you. Nothing less is acceptable. At. All.

The past two weeks have been the usual. They started out me feeling aggravated and I didn’t know why. Anxiety popped it’s head up a little and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why. Did I eat the wrong thing? Do I need to eat? Is my blood pressure up? I have positive, happy things happening so I should be feeling elated, not anxious! What the heck!

Then, it hit me. I knew. The 25th was right around the corner. No wonder. How could I be so dumb? It’s the same routine as the last 30 years. How could I not have known why? It’s not like I can ignore it.

So, I did what people do in this social media world. I posted a status to your daddy on my Facebook wall, and as it luck would have it he replied. I’m sure you’re very happy we’re at a good point with each other. Lord knows it took a long time. BUT he’s crazy! LOL, kidding. A little.

Linda Carmical - 3 days Robert Farrow.

I sure do hope, beyond any hope that your daddy gives me your sock. I know it’s just a sock, but you had it on. It’s precious. It would be my most very prized possession. Remember the carving my dad made on the trip up to see you the day you were born? Didn’t know where I stored it. I didn’t like that a bit! I am so happy I found it!

I sit here now, tears pouring and my heart breaking. Thinking about another year of all we missed together. 30 years, it’s a big milestone. What’s it like to be 30 in Heaven? I daydream about what you’re doing, what your job is up there. I know it must be something really special and important, and I have all the confidence in this world you’re superb at it! For the longest time I had the normal questions… Why you? Why did God have to take you?! But recently I’ve started thinking I know why. You were born an angel. You needed to learn something and help me learn something. We needed lessons to use later. I know you know what I mean. You had a job in Heaven and I needed to be ready to help others who lose their babies. God knew I’d know right away telling a mom the brutal, raw, honest truth of what to expect would be what she wanted, and needed. LOL, God knew my bold side would compliment my soft side and make me good at it. He’s no dummy.

I’m going to cut this short sweetie. I’ve got some writing to do, but before I close this I want you to know something. Just because I don’t think about you ever second of every day, you’re always with me. I can actually smell you sometimes, and I wish I could still feel you in my arms and laying on my chest. That stopped too long ago. I never stop missing you and I love you more today than I did yesterday. As always, thank you SO MUCH for that big smile you gave me the last time I fed you. It still gets me through my weakest moments and makes my heart fill with so much joy there’s no room for pain. What a gift that’s been. There’s no better one. And know this. I would give just about anything to go back and relive that moment. I’d take in a big breath of you and give you so so many tiny little kisses, and tell you how very much you mean to me. I’d make that moment in time last forever and I would never put you to bed.

Until September 11th baby girl, you keep rocking Heaven. I’ll write and say hi again.

I. LOVE. YOU.

Hugs and kisses baby girl.

mommy

~~~~

In Loving Memory of Brittany Nichole Farrow, July 25, 1984 – September 11, 1984.

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The Beginning — Blessing or Nightmare?

I Didn’t Know What Hard Was

I’m sorry, but I didn’t know.

Happy 27th Birthday Brittany

September 11th — Ten Year Anniversary: 27 Years Later

I Didn’t Know

 

 

.

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Robin (Masshole Mommy) July 26, 2014 at 8:32 am

I started to tear up as I read this. What a bittersweet, touching post :)

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Amber NElson July 26, 2014 at 2:23 pm

What a touching letter. I love it and I am sure she is smiling in heaven!
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LifeAsAConvert July 26, 2014 at 4:08 pm

Oh my, I’m so sorry to hear about that. Loss is tough. And a life lost much to early is perhaps even tougher with so many questions and what ifs.
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April - My Bizarre Family July 26, 2014 at 5:53 pm

My heart aches for you. We just lost my stepson 3 months ago, and I know it’s not something you ever really get over. My thoughts and prayers are with you today.
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Tami July 26, 2014 at 8:21 pm

I’ve just read all of your posts on this and I’m finding it hard to come up with the right thing to say. I lost my mom when I was three, so I know what it feels like to lose someone who means the world to you. I can say that I am sorry you have gone through this, but you probably hear that all the time. So, I will say this…we will never know why bad things happen to good people and there is not much we can do, but just accept it. However, I do think that God has a plan and a reason and He, has our best interest at heart. We may not understand His doing or even agree with it, but we’ve got to deal with it. I think at the end of our journey’s on Earth, we’ll get those answers. For now, while we are still here, we’ve gotta try to make the most of the life that we have, because we are still here for a reason.

PS: I want to give you a hug. :)
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Tiffany July 26, 2014 at 8:30 pm

I am so sorry that you lost your baby. I can’t even imagine what that is like. I am not surprised that 30 years later you’re still grieving. Lots of love to you!
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Mommy2jam July 26, 2014 at 10:00 pm

First of all I would like to say how sorry I am for your loss, I know this is hard for you. As a mother my heart aches. I will say how beautiful this letter was to your daughter. No doubt she is in heaven and enjoying herself. Happy 30th birthday!!!!!
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Rosey July 27, 2014 at 9:25 am

What a touching post to share. My heart goes out to you.

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Touristmeetstraveler July 27, 2014 at 11:52 am

That’s never something easy to get over, I’m sorry to hear.
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The Chef's Wife | Anne @TheSatEvePot July 27, 2014 at 2:59 pm

I am so amazed and in awe of my God … Who is able to do what we could never imagine or understand in taking very painful, dark things and times and bringing beauty out of them. Thankful to know the Creator and for the great things He has done in my life through heartache and pain. Bless you …. I’m sure He is sending plenty of people your way who need to know someone understands. Such a beautiful post … Heaven is going to be amazing.
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Mina Slater July 27, 2014 at 9:34 pm

What a touching letter to your daughter. I’m tearing up over here at how much you love her, how beautiful your letter is and how brave and strong you are!
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Carly from The Puzzled Palate July 28, 2014 at 12:50 am

What a beautiful letter. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us.
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Onica {MommyFactor} July 28, 2014 at 2:34 pm

Losing a loved one is never easy. But its nice that you and the family keep her memory alive. Hope you get the sock.
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Dee Mauser September 6, 2014 at 12:27 pm

What a truly touching post. The hurt of losing a loved one never goes away and I never did understand why people say that time heals all wounds. No, it really doesn’t. It gets a little easier to continue living as the days go on but the broken heart doesn’t mend, it still remembers the pain it felt on the day your loved one passed. And it stings again and again when little things remind you of them. Hugs and prayers for peace hun!

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Linda Carmical
Twitter: DoFoodBetter
September 7, 2014 at 12:05 am

Thanks for your kind words Dee. They are truly appreciated. :)

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