Happy 30th Birthday Brittany

by Linda Carmical

Dear Brit­tany,

Good morn­ing baby girl. How’s Heaven treat­ing you? I hope it sur­passes all I’ve heard about it. I want over-the-top fab­u­lous for you. Noth­ing less is accept­able. At. All.

The past two weeks have been the usual. They started out me feel­ing aggra­vated and I didn’t know why. Anx­i­ety popped it’s head up a lit­tle and for the life of me I couldn’t fig­ure out why. Did I eat the wrong thing? Do I need to eat? Is my blood pres­sure up? I have pos­i­tive, happy things hap­pen­ing so I should be feel­ing elated, not anx­ious! What the heck!

Then, it hit me. I knew. The 25th was right around the cor­ner. No won­der. How could I be so dumb? It’s the same rou­tine as the last 30 years. How could I not have known why? It’s not like I can ignore it.

So, I did what peo­ple do in this social media world. I posted a sta­tus to your daddy on my Face­book wall, and as it luck would have it he replied. I’m sure you’re very happy we’re at a good point with each other. Lord knows it took a long time. BUT he’s crazy! LOL, kid­ding. A lit­tle.

Linda Carmical - 3 days Robert Farrow.

I sure do hope, beyond any hope that your daddy gives me your sock. I know it’s just a sock, but you had it on. It’s pre­cious. It would be my most very prized pos­ses­sion. Remem­ber the carv­ing my dad made on the trip up to see you the day you were born? Didn’t know where I stored it. I didn’t like that a bit! I am so happy I found it!

I sit here now, tears pour­ing and my heart break­ing. Think­ing about another year of all we missed together. 30 years, it’s a big mile­stone. What’s it like to be 30 in Heaven? I day­dream about what you’re doing, what your job is up there. I know it must be some­thing really spe­cial and impor­tant, and I have all the con­fi­dence in this world you’re superb at it! For the longest time I had the nor­mal ques­tions… Why you? Why did God have to take you?! But recently I’ve started think­ing I know why. You were born an angel. You needed to learn some­thing and help me learn some­thing. We needed lessons to use later. I know you know what I mean. You had a job in Heaven and I needed to be ready to help oth­ers who lose their babies. God knew I’d know right away telling a mom the bru­tal, raw, hon­est truth of what to expect would be what she wanted, and needed. LOL, God knew my bold side would com­pli­ment my soft side and make me good at it. He’s no dummy.

I’m going to cut this short sweetie. I’ve got some writ­ing to do, but before I close this I want you to know some­thing. Just because I don’t think about you ever sec­ond of every day, you’re always with me. I can actu­ally smell you some­times, and I wish I could still feel you in my arms and lay­ing on my chest. That stopped too long ago. I never stop miss­ing you and I love you more today than I did yes­ter­day. As always, thank you SO MUCH for that big smile you gave me the last time I fed you. It still gets me through my weak­est moments and makes my heart fill with so much joy there’s no room for pain. What a gift that’s been. There’s no bet­ter one. And know this. I would give just about any­thing to go back and relive that moment. I’d take in a big breath of you and give you so so many tiny lit­tle kisses, and tell you how very much you mean to me. I’d make that moment in time last for­ever and I would never put you to bed.

Until Sep­tem­ber 11th baby girl, you keep rock­ing Heaven. I’ll write and say hi again.


Hugs and kisses baby girl.



In Lov­ing Mem­ory of Brit­tany Nic­hole Far­row, July 25, 1984 — Sep­tem­ber 11, 1984.

It’s not easy to expose myself; it never has been, but…

The Begin­ning — Bless­ing or Nightmare?

I Didn’t Know What Hard Was

I’m sorry, but I didn’t know.

Happy 27th Birth­day Brittany

Sep­tem­ber 11th — Ten Year Anniver­sary: 27 Years Later

I Didn’t Know




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